The Road to Plan B Explodes

The Secret Garden located inside Plaza Athénée (Paris 8th)

Although my current novel is set in Paris, I have been geographically bound by the limitations of life. At the moment, I'm sick, which leaves me faint of motivation and heart to finish the last 70 pages of my book. But I am almost there and in the last few months I've managed to write well over a hundred pages. The sweet excitement that I have been getting is that the novel feels as if it is getting better with each page I write. I know that this might be a fool-hearted interpretation, but its better to lift your chin up than to grovel.  

Architecture by Michael Maltzan and Landscape Designs by Nancy Goslee Power

My deepest heart desire is to be a publishing author that brings entertainment to tons of readers. I love a good thriller because it can bring about an emotional justice that can be difficult to get in real life. We all know about the state of judicial practice without my heavy meditations on it, and that would just be boring anyhow. The funny thing is I have never really trusted my deep heart calling. I have always put a Plan B into effect it and strange as this might sound...it always falls apart. And things just fell apart for my last Friday, when a company I was working at tried to force me into signing a contract for less money and more work, or else take a hike. I took a hike, left the job, and found myself completely sick as a result of taking that leap of faith. The journey of life can get pretty stark at times, much like the above architecture, with forcing about hard decisions in difficult times. 

image source

As Julie wrote in The Julie and Julia Project, when you find your rabbit hole, you've got to take it. Life has presented me with the sweetest opportunity to finish my novel and make something of it. So what if I can't buy a new Coach handbag, sniff, or wake up in dream house in the sunny skies of my hometown, California. Less is more. Make a palace in your own home and besides I've got a rabbit hole to chase down! 

image source

I promise to keep you updated on the adventure! Now what about you? What rabbit holes have you been chasing down?

The Friday 56: Nathaniel Hawthrone and The Search for Love

Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) 

I just discovered The Friday 56 on a Monday, but that doesn't stop me from playing along! The concept is that you take any book, flip open to page 56, and post one sentence that strikes you as interesting.

On my desk is a copy of  American Gothic Tales edited by Joyce Carol Oates. That says something about me, doesn't it?

I flipped to page 56 and opened up the third short story in the collection. It's by Nathaniel Hawthorne and the story is "The Man of Adamant, Young Goodman Brown".  Here's the page 56 sentence that got me to post:

What if a wretched old woman do choose to go to the devil when I thought she was going to heaven: is that any reason  why I should quit my dear Faith and go after her?

What would you do if that wretched old woman were actually a beautiful young lady or a beautiful handsome man? Would you chase that person into the depths of darkness? How far would you go for a person you love? These are the sorts of questions that can change your life. 

image source

A Night on the Town with The Happy Baker!

Image via Blogto

Life is full of surprises and twists, and last night was one of those awesome nights. What made it so great was that I crashed a condo holiday party {yes, I was the token party crasher, but I wasn't wearing a sari!} and I met an eclectic group of individuals ranging from Mafia-looking guys in suits to a guy dressed like Brett Michael's. No kidding-this holiday party was off the hook! In the midst of this party, I literally bumped into Erin Bolger, who isn't related to any famous Boston mafia families with the same last name.  She jumped at the opportunity to tell me about her book, The Happy Baker: A Dater's Guide to Emotional Baking, which was also listed as one of the top cookbooks of 2010 by the New York Times! I couldn't stop from doing a happy dance for her! A top cookbook listed on the NYT is serious street cred.

Meet Erin Bolger

From the moment I started to talk to Erin, she had me laughing and mesmerized.  She has such a natural gift for telling stories with humor that I wasn't surprise to learn that her book combined not just recipes, but tales from the front lines of dating. Later that evening, I had an opportunity to check out her book. It's filled with beautiful full color photograph and tons of sweet recipes for helping a girl out through the tough side of dating. I also got a tasty preview of a her new Peanut Butter Fudge recipe. To die for yummy! Erin is in fact so generous she's sharing this recipe on her blog, too.  Now, I'm married, but I totally remember the era of my own single days, filled with all the leaps and falls.  This cookbook is better than hanging with Dr. Phil. It's a must-have for all girls, single, married, or in between.  Want to get a feel for some of Erin's zest? Check out this awesome video. I'm telling you...you're going to love Erin as much as I do!

Be Bad.

The world is so great. So much to inspire the senses. It's like the only thing to stop me from everything I want to do is me. It's time to be bad, dig in, and let go of the expectations people have of me. It's time to truly be me. Ever have that sensation? If so, it's not a bad thing. It's a good thing, particularly for writers. Do it. Break out of the conformity. Open up to something greater. You should have done it yesterday, but today isn't too late to start.

Mighty Than the Sword

Image: Design Age

Allowing the end of summer to spin off to a memory, I must tell the truth I haven't been slaying many dragons with my pen or keyboard as of late. I've had a fantastic summer reading, writing short stories, and having adventures that will brew new ideas for stories to tell. Living in the world, staying connected to events, and having new experiences is an important aspect of being a writer.  Is this all just an excuse for not writing enough? Yes, but the summer was so sweet I couldn't resist. I'm finishing up a third short story today and starting a fourth. It seems in no time I just might have a collection of short stories. Some of the things that have influenced me include the Thriller 2 in paperback.

Image: Crime Fiction Dossier. Pick up a Copy via Amazon

I also picked up several back issues of Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine circa 1992. I love flipping through older issues.

Image: Antiqbook 

Last but not least, the news. Isn't life full of enough gore to make a person wonder who their next door neighbor really is?

Not much Time for Writing other than a few Short Stories

It has been an amazing start to the month of June. I wrote two new short stories. "Survival" is a short story written about one father's attempt to survive a murderous coincidence and a manipulative family. The other short story is something I enjoyed writing so much that I might turn it into a screenplay or novel. I'm not sure yet, but in anycase...I'm not sharing much about it. I had a blast writing them and really enjoyed the final results. I plan to submit my short stories for publication and I'll keep you posted on when it'll happen.

{image via Pitt County Film Still of To Kill a Mockingbird}

As for the novel, I'm aiming to kill it with a series of intense writing sessions. It seems that every time I get deeply involved with my novel that something throws me a wrench. This time I am pointing  my finger at my husband having two weeks off from work. But, isn't it ironic that I always quick to point out something else or someone else as blocking my writing instead looking closely at myself?

I'm a big believer in self-accountability. I know that I'm responsible for my own self progress. However, I also believe that the creative process can be like giving birth. Perhaps, I need some time from the novel to get a clear perspective. I'm not going to brow beat myself or anything else. I'm just going to accept things and move forward. Isn't that all the choice we truly have anyhow?

The Guilt of Writing

{Artwork titled "Detective" via Under Sea Boat}

I was browsing through the awesome sketchblog, Under Sea Boat, created by Timothy Winkler, when I came across this quote he posted by Annie Dillard..

In “Notes for Young Writers,” Annie Dillard says that “if you skip a day it will take three painful days to get to believing in the work again.”

What an understatement! On Thursday, strangely enough on the very day that I am ready to write for hours and feel blessed to be writing my novel my husband finds me in my home office, tells me he has the day off, and wants to go for a ride on his motorcycle. I look outside my office window and the sky is that alluring bright blue, and the heat of a beautiful day is pressing through the glass and into the room. I'm ready to sacrifice the day to writing, but that look in my husband's eye is just something that I can't ditch out on. I rarely get much time to hang out with him. So onto the motorcycle, the enchantment of writing is lost to another day of life in the "real" world.

 On Friday, I paid the price. I sat at my desk struggling with loads of self-doubt and misery because I didn't believe in my work. I'm not sure how this shift happened so quick from one day to the next. But, there it was, just like the Annie Dillard quote. I had to learn  how to kick start my faith in my work. It wasn't easy. I was only able to get about 3 pages written due to research and references. Ouch! If you only skip one day and you'll have three painful days of reconnecting with the work, what does does that say about missing a week and a half?

 I woke up this morning, a rainy spring Saturday, and I woke up with this seed of realization concerning my novel. I jumped out of bed, ran down to my office, and sat down at my desk and started to write. If it could just be this easy all the time! Then I got a call to go to lunch with my two favorite girlfriends in the whole world, one of whom who has been away from the last month, I couldn't say no. Guilt strikes again! I can't write and ignore my relationships to others that matter. I'm glad I went to lunch, too! I found out my friend who has been away was engaged that very morning. 

 So what does a writer do? Well...I don't have the answer, yet. This is really difficult emotional terrain for me to conquer. At least I'm becoming conscious of this. I've talked to my family and husband before, about sabotaging my writing time and guilt-ing me into hanging out. I need time to work like construction workers need time to build. I've allowed a bunch of guilt trips in the past to give me reason to leave my desk and chair, or even the guilt of not keeping the house clean when I'm at home all day. The trouble is that I pay a heavy price for being away from my novel for a day or two.  I loose faith in my novel and my attempt to start a career as a published writer.  Those missed days of writing turned into weeks and then into years, and then everyone looses faith in my career as a writer. Maybe this is another issue at the core of why I haven't managed to bring my novel to completion. I need to stand-up for myself and stop  feeling guilty that my work schedule if different and totally necessary for my process of writing.  Hmm...I think I might be discovering a better way to live my life as a writer. Realization is one step and action is the next. Wish me luck writers, I think we all know how difficult this can be!

Sick of Being Sick

Monday, Tuesday, sick, Wednesday I had a three hour dentist appointment to fix bad dental work done in January, Thursday, Friday, sick, Saturday recovering but husband invites everyone over for a BBQ, Sunday much better thank you.

Whew! Every time I felt too lousy to sit up and write my head shifted to Marcel Proust or Laura Hillenbrand, author of Sea Biscuit that has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am such a whimp! I do believe that illness shouldn't be an excuse for not writing, but in this case I had no choice. It didn't happen. One whole week gone to nothing. 

At least I finished Breaking Dawn, the final book in the Twilight Saga. If you haven't read it, read it. It is that good. I was that person that didn't want to bite into the craze, but a friend insisted I read them. It was Eclipse, the second book, that totally captured my heart out of the four books. A modern Romeo and Juliet tale of love. Anyhow, I don't have much new to add to all the conversation around these books, but they did change me in a sense. Now I'm in that daze of what do I read next. I've been flipping through books but nothing is really jumping out at me. Maybe it's just my mood. 

Tidying Up for the Weekend: It was a Great Week!

(image via Simply Stated at Real Simple}

I'm running around the house cleaning, as usual, moments before I head to bed. As I enter my home office, I felt a strange sense of accomplishment after a solid week of writing. I got so much done and I'm really proud of myself. I earned my Friday night, which consisted of watching a beautiful sunset, sharing a bottle of wine with my husband, and a finally feasting our eyes on a brewing thunderstorm from our rooftop hot tub. We knew it was time to go when a bolt of lighting touched a cloud directly over our heads! Anyhow, here I am. I told myself I wouldn't touch the computer, but I couldn't resist! If I keep up my resolve, then I'll finish my book in two weeks or less. AH! Wow! What was best about my writing week is that everything came so easily, but not too easily. At the end of each work day, I felt exhausted from being in my head for so much of the day. So....this was a quick clean-up of my work week! I've done good! Now...I'm headed to bed, to listen to the rain, enjoy the sounds of my sleeping husband, and feel my dog curled at my feet. Of course, as I have done since being a child, I'll have a small book flashlight turned on and I'll read until my eyes fall closed and the sandman leads me into a melody of dreams! Good night, moon! 

Update: I'm Working at Everything but Finishing my Novel!

 

I have been struggling along all day to get something actually done on my book. I have this terrible habit of always rewriting the beginning. It drives me nuts! I did it again today. However, if the start of the work isn't working, then readers won't make it to the end. So...maybe I shouldn't be so critical of myself. I have to confess that I haven't made time to write for the last two weeks. Well...I have been writing but on a different book. I needed a little break from the my novel in order to refocus on what needs to get done on it. Today was just a foggy kind of day, tomorrow the the sun will come out! Upward and onward!!!

No Excuses for an Unfinished Novel

Well...the start of this year has been less than fantastic for me. I mean a month spent chilling in Orange County, Cali with my family which doesn't sound too bad nor does it sound awful explaining that Februrary and March were time consumed by my husband and I moving into the most beautiful loft ever. I couldn't be happier in that respect. 

In fact, I am just about the happiest girl ever except....

I haven't been writing! Yikes, how this just sneaks up without notice, day after day, little to no movement on the page, cursor blinking, ideas in your head, nothing on the page, tick, tock, that novel you've got in your head isn't becoming a reality.

Why, oh, why me? 

I've been struggling with the same novel for eons, as just about anyone who knows me has stopped asking how the book is coming along. I mean I had an easier time running the NYC marathon last November, and that was with an ankle plastic-wrapped with ice bags! What's my deal?

Fear of commitment? Fear of success? Fear of failure? Yes, yes, and yes to what ever the next fear might be, too. Isn't the whole battle with writing or running marathons, for that matter, about the case for faith and belief. My new mantra is: Make a commitment, show up, and do the work. 

Now that my computer is unpacked and I have my own lovely quiet office to work in, there are no excuses for not finishing my novel. 

Therefore allow me to publicly, or not so publicly because I'm not sure anyone actually reads my humble little blog, to declare that I am committing myself to finish my novel by JUNE 1, 2010.

I am totally out of excuses. I am no longer lost in the forest. I'm not confused by my characters motivations or my novel's plot. I am a builder that is finishing a new house, a farmer waiting for the fruits of his labor to come to harvest, and whatever biblical or otherwise silly little thing you can up with. It's important to set goals and focus, but to also be sensitive to how you achieve those goals. More importantly, I'm setting on the path of following my bliss, enjoying my life through my work, and sharing the joy and entertainment of the written word. I am writing a new future!

I will be keeping a short update at this blog on my novel's progress toward my June 1, 2010 deadline. You can wish me luck because I'll need it, but I think a pot of coffee might be more handy!!  Cheers to all those that believe in the passion to chase dreams!

One more thing...If I don't finish my novel, then the price I have to pay is this...

Yeah...I'll jump from a plane with a parachute. Skydiving is high on the list of things I really don't want to do and I should say that I won't be jumping with any military types, it would be a tandem sort of thing, but a jump, a leap of faith of the flesh and blood sort. I'd much rather make a leap of internal faith by committing to finishing the novel, so without further ado I now bow out of this blog post in order to get at the task at hand!!

Blogging is the New Revolution

Quote from Shelf Awareness that hit home to me on the purpose and meaning of blogging today...

"Printing was as revolutionary as the Internet is now when Dürer created hisMelencolia I, and it too had victims. Those medieval scriptoria were doomed, and those who clung to the handwritten and painted word would be eclipsed.

 

Critics of today's new communications see the aggression of bloggers as a vice of the digital age, but what about the aggression unleashed by the printing press? The resources of new technology that let Dürer create Melencolia I were soon being exploited to create vicious religious prints portraying the Pope as antichrist. The printing press democratized knowledge, and with democracy came spite, libel, destruction and violence. But it also brought a new beauty into the world, and every book that has ever been published, every sheet of a newspaper blown along the street, is part of that beauty."--Jonathan Jones in the Guardian's On Art blog.

Take a peak at the new blogging studio...Martha Stewart has always known how to make things look so good. She converted a barn on her property into a to die for blogging studio. 

{image via The Martha Blog}

Yet, blogging isn't about million dollar investments and that's the primary point. All one needs is a smart phone or a laptop in order to blog. Well...bloggers also need an opinion, but that seems to be high in supply!

{image via Desire to Inspire}

Harvey Weinstein on How to be Interesting to the Media

{image via Madame Lamb}

That was direct and to the point! He's got a point, though doesn't he? 

Read More to Write Better

{image: Film History}

I found a lovely blog about crime fiction writing called NeedleCity, created and maintained by Robert Lewis. 

{Robert Lewis, writer and NeedleCity blogger}

There are posts after posts of information about writing crime fiction that include everything from building strong characters to getting ideas for stories. I stumbled across his blog via an email sent to me by Guide to Literary Agents Blog, which is another must for writers that are just starting out in the game or for those writers that need some motivation to keep going after rejections. Hope these links help and start your week off to a fresh start. Now, I need to make some coffee, walk the dog, and get some pages written.

{image: Film History}

I'm back at my Desk & Chair...

{image: Musing of a Night Owl}

The Art of Simplifying my Life in 2010

Wow...I recovered the password to this blog because it's been this long. I've been cleaning up blogs, closing down domain names, and getting my cyber world into check. I've been gone for the last month on a work holiday to California where I was subjected to my family and their demands. Not exactly a work environment and I didn't get a creative word written. 

I do have a lot going on and nothing. I realized lately that I really don't like Typepad or paying $120 a year to host my website Modern Girl Style. I also feel like I can't keep up with the demands of constantly reporting on design trends. I think I need a break. I looked at the process of trying to move my Typepad account back to blogger and I find that it's impossible, short of copy & paste over 500 posts. Since I'm trying to simplify, who cares and I think I just might delete the whole blog. I'll think about it over the weekend and decide after that. 

Current Writing Project

It has been three years and I've rewritten the same novel three times. It went from a romantic chick-lit murder mystery (totally awful and didn't work) to a straight thriller (something I'm really excited about and can't wait to share). My goal is to finish this last draft and share it with the people closest to me. 

What the Deal with this Blog?

The deal is that I want to write short simple blog posts about my writing life and submission process. This should be a great place for me to cope with the whole sha-bang! I also want to share the art of a creative life with as many people as I can and inspire others to do the same. 

The world is in a crazy place at the start of 2010, but in the same respect, today is our opportunity to create the life that we want. Dreams are built day by day until they take over reality. Let's journey together on the way!

Thanks for reading, Kamela

The Power of Now

Mini Carrot Cake Cupcakes
Originally uploaded by Kamela_Cody.

Where have I been? Lost in Italy? Napping in Spain? Not even close. I've been getting lost in new things. I bought a new Canon EOS Rebel XT, doing yoga, reading, selling a screenplay. You know the kind of stuff that modern women love to do.

I have to admit that this has been an exciting summer to drop off the map of predictable schedules & daily habits. When is the last time that you stopped your usual routine? Can you image life without a Starbucks latte in the morning or tuning into the Today Show? So, who are we if we aren't our habits? What then defines who you are?

Ultimately, the big question is where do you want to go? I'm currently facing that question and I'm lost in it. So, what then?

Face the moment. Experience the calm of your breath. Do something. Do anything that will allow you to not wallow in the big question of "what am I doing with my life!"

So, try baking, cooking, knitting, yoga, or anything that you never tried before and do it with gusto. It'll be the best way to discover you are and what you need to do.

Spring's Blooming

gardeners greenhouse #E2C86
Originally uploaded by redshoesllc.

Don't wait for nature to announce Spring! Remind yourself each day with a heavenly scent, a beautiful piece of triple milled soap, or a blossoming azulea that spring is around the corner. Retreat into the all the five senses of Spring.

The Leap of Faith

one would.
Originally uploaded by antimethod.

After not being cast as an interior design TV host, I found myself living in Toronto of November of 2006 with little to do. I had been attempting to keep up with the massive word counts required by November Nano Writting Month but creating auditon videos for nameless TV executives, I didn't have the time to finish my novel. I was content that the contest had inspired me to begin my third novel.

Strangely enough, I learned something about writing novels by my unexpected launch into the world of television auditions. To summarize the experience, I understood the nature of competion. Since my days of reading the great dialogues of Plato, society demands that the artist must play his role and consider the audience. I don't believe I've ever been so avant-garde to not consider the reader, but I have been somewhat shy in terms of sharing my work with any reader! I've written two novels that I've never sent out. What role is that?

It's March 2007 and I've just returned from a trip to my hometown where I had been messing around in a garage full of my old notebooks, journals, and short stories. I came across a white binder that was completely unmarked. I opened it and I came across the first novel that I wrote in 2001. I couldn't believe what I was reading. It was good. I was intrigued. What had happened so that I could take a year of my life that I spent writing that book and toss it in a garage?

Lots. My first novel was stolen from me one week before September 11. Despite the events, I pushed forth. I completed the novel in December of 2001. I printed a copy and placed it on my desk. The day after I finished the book, my brand new Apple computer crashed and everything on my hard drive was lost. Maybe, I wasn't meant to write. Maybe, there were signs in my life that were telling me to stop reaching for my dreams. And so I did. I stopped writing for four years.

Life stories are rarely told in sequential order and this story is no different. So that I can explain myself today I must first mention what happened in August of 2005. I was told by a doctor that I was going to be immediately scheduled for a surgery due to late stages of pre-cancerous cell growth. My love life was estranged. The man that I thought was my boyfriend, whom sent me to his best friend that was the doctor that performed my surgery, drifted indifferently away from me as the surgery date approached. He even called on the day of my surgery to ask me what I had planned for the day. It was bad, if you haven't already gotten the idea. Surgery, heartbreak, unhappiness in the work place, and I had all the motivation of a woman that wanted to seek professional help.

I met with a shrink in Newport Beach. The grounds for the appointment was the surgery and recent heartbreak. I felt that the sudden illness in my body might be reflecting the diseased state of my love life that I had suffered so far as an adult. I needed to get my spirit and mental health fit.

As I began a short series of sessions about the typical father-loss and bad date life that happens to common to many single people, it soon became evident that my dating life wasn't the issue.

The issue had been my writing life. All I could talk about was the stolen novel. My true love had been writing not a guy that drove a porsche.

The shrink listened as he's paid to do. However, I did the single most important thing that patient of a shrink needs to do. I listened to myself and that's was the most important thing I got out of the month of sessions.

Sometime after my surgery, the shrink declared my sanity, not that it was a secret. He cut back on my sessions and I stopped scheduling in due time.

It was time for me to change my life. Now, I'm an OC girl that lived in Chicago. That means that though I like to be catered to, there were things in life that I had to work to get. People in OC & LA areas do not walk or take public transportaion. I was workng at an interior design firm at the time and the traffic to work was horrifying. I did some research. I found that I could take a train and one bus and make it work on time. I'd save hundreds of dollars in gas and car maintaince but even more importantly, I'd have some free time. Baby steps, I told myself, life changes in baby steps.

I finished my second novel in three months while riding the train. It was hand written in two large sized moleskine notebooks. I took the notebooks and this time placed it on a shelf in my computer room and like the first novel I never bothered to send it out. I guess those sessions with the shrink had helped me to write again but that's not enough for a writer.

Writing is a leap of faith. Although, the greater leap of faith that I'm facing today is the leap to share my work with others. Somehow, I learned from all of those auditions at the end of last year, that I wasn't selected because I'm terrible but because I wasn't a perfect fit for the show and that market. Fine. I don't want to be cast into a project that I don't fit. The similarity between television, fashion, and writing became apparent to me. I don't want to wear jeans that don't fit. Finding an agent and publisher for my work need to be a great fit. The trouble was I needed to get into the dressing room of life in order to find the perfect outfit. The writer of Chicken Soup for the Soul had his book rejected by 144 different publishers. I've never tried on 144 pairs of jeans let alone sent out 144 submission packages. It's time to think differently.

Here I am, almost six years later, a changed girl. I'm confident that I'll get rejected by agents as I send my first book submission out. Fine by me! I've already survived robbery, surgery, heartbreak, and rejection by nameless television executives-and I'm sure its not the end of things to happen in my life.

The Leap of Faith has already cured my love life. I'm engaged to marry an awesome man that I met in Las Vegas. If that isn't a leap of faith, I don't know what is. It's time to roll with the dice and gamble that one day I will win and my work will publish.

Sitting at my Desk & Chair.

Life sometimes returns old habits back into your life. At this point, my circumstances allow me to not only make writing and reading a habit but a business that I'm developing. Unpublished writers must work at formulating a plan to reach readers. My plan is to finish my novel, submit to agents, and publish a novel that entertains readers.

To write, one must read. Read everything. On-flight magazines, church bullentins, dead poets, to rocking chick lit books. Just read.

Read & Write.

Write & Read.

I'm sitting at my desk & chair inspired to build my dreams one word at a time.

Get off yr Bum & Write!

It's National Novel Writing Month which means make it happen. I'm into getting a book done by November 30-anybody else? I'll be keeping tabs on my true progess. Time to fight and create something more than ever. Time to work!